I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
