It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
