he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
