Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
