considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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