They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
