then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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