I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
