I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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