i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
