I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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