three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
