When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
