Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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