I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
