Got a toothbrush?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
