omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize