Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
