she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
