Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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