I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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