i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
