i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
