what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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