neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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