hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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