After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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