with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
