Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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