so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize