He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
