I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
