I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm passing your future prison.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
