I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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