My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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