life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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