Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
