just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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