Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
