got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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