No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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