It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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