Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
