he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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