i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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