Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's shark week go big or go home
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
