I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
