Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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