Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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