I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
