you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
