i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize