you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i think my cat just said my name.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
