everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
