im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
