I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
