Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize