I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
