Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
