if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
