when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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