i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
