You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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