dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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