Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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