im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
