He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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